St Margaret’s Bay
The Girl from Boston
What are reading dear boy?
The Girl from Boston a rather trashy novel dating from the late sixties
Are you enjoying it?
It is very much of its time
It is like watching a B movie
One does not expect too much
Please read me a sentence from your book Stuart
I pulled back the damp sheet
Barney’s jigger was still erect
The English language has been placed on the sacrificial altar I fear
I agree Master Shakespeare must be weeping in his grave
But he has forgiven me
Katherine’s Daily Swim
I always fear for the neighbours when Katherine comes to stay
It is her morning swim
Are you worried that she might attend difficulties in the rough channel waters and be washed up quite drowned on a beach in France?
No she is an admirable swimmer
Then why do you worry Noel?
It is because that when she takes her morning swim the poor girl nearly always leaves her swimming costume in her bedroom
She has a lovely bottom but I do not think that all my neighbours share my opinion
The appeal of this property to me is it’s closeness to the sea
I agree one could not be closer to the sea
Often when I am resting in my bed I think that I see the creatures of the sea staring into my bedroom
What do your guests think of it?
They treat it as a trifle and humour me
I enjoy their company
But living here does have its disadvantages
Are you thinking about the storms that attack this bay?
Do you fear for your life when these storms appear?
No I like nothing better than a wild storm
If I know that one is imminent I often sit in the lounge with a good book and listen to the wave’s crash against the sturdy sea defences outside
Do they progress further?
Sometimes dear boy the waves clear the actual height of this property and damage the windows of the Modernist properties further down the beach
Does this not alarm you?
I have every confidence in the workmanship of the Dover glaziers
Not one of my many panes has ever been cracked
They have stood firm in the face of the wildest storms
I have noticed that you have erected small plastic covers to protect the exposed yard to the rear of your property Noel
Yes I was forced to do so as my guests and I were often attacked by small stones falling from the cliff face
Do you not think that they are slightly inefficient given the size of the cliff?
I have often thought about that but should the cliff fall on to me or my unfortunate guests then it is likely that we know very little about the catastrophe
The Day the Sea caught Fire
It was a good idea in theory you know
To set the sea alight
It would deter the most vociferous of enemies
It would have halted their advance
At least for a while
Until the brave men of Kent could regroup and defend this beautiful bay
But do you know I really disliked about the idea
What was that?
The smell dear boy the smell of the enterprise was more than I could bear
Did it inhibit your outdoor pursuits?
Very much it seemed for weeks after the initial test that the smell of unidentified chemicals hung in the air
I did not eat in my courtyard for the rest of that summer
Although my visitors did not seem to mind