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Letter from V

Dearest

As you may be aware Toby and I are currently in the Lake District. The weather is wonderful as I hope it is for you although the newspaper’s report quite dreadful weather where you are stationed. I trust that they are erroneous in their reporting.

Today we visited the Screes at Wastwater which I think must resemble your battlefields in certain lights. I trust that your uniform is nice and clean again and that you have none of those beastly bullet holes or shrapnel wounds soiling that lovely material. It is such a bore making you smart for battle again.

As I write little Toby is running a cedar twig along the surface of the lake. He is missing you very much and has prepared a small drawing for you (which I enclose along with your usual Holy Water). He has entitled it “ The Rat Tat Tat of the Gatling Cat “  I hope it brings you pleasure during the bloody battles to come.

Tomorrow we are going to visit Nab Cottage which was formally the residence of Mr Coleridge. I am looking forward to such a fun filled day. Do think of our joy as you slaughter the unfortunates.

I must close now as tea awaits and Toby is getting increasingly excited by the French Delights.

V